June 1st: The Feminism of Tomorrow

I’ve always been uncomfortable with structured feminism. It has always bothered me, because feminism is something I would love to be a part of. Who doesn’t want equality for women, for women to feel strong and empowered? I most certainly do, but something about the currently vocal feminist movement made me uncomfortable. I finally figured out why.

I actually have Meghan Trainor to thank. After the release of her latest song, Dear Future Husband, the feminist movement had a field day, tearing the girl to shreds. Their argument was that, in singing about all the things she wants in a perfect match, she was perpetuating the patriarchal society we currently live in, and was setting women’s rights back decades from the progress that has been made.

(While the music video may be the most challenging part about the song, here it is, so that you can listen and engage in an educated, thoughtful conversation)

My first thought was that, if one woman singing a song could set the entire movement back several decades, then the foundation of the movement can’t be particularly strong. So, as I thought about the challenge of this song, I went to look up the lyrics and do a little research, something many reactionaries must not have done.

As I read over the lines, I was puzzled. There was plenty in here about “taking care of” her man, sure. But, at the same time, there were a number of lines that demonstrated Trainor taking complete control of her relationship, from telling the man in her life that her 9 to 5 job is just as important as his, and by kindly letting him know that they will be spending more time with her family than his.

All at once, I realized what my problem was with feminism. Feminism, as it currently stands, doesn’t want to empower women into taking control over their own lives. Feminism wants to tell women HOW they should take control of their lives.

Many believe that a strong woman is one who “doesn’t need no man,” who wears pantsuits because she can, who has a top notch job and doesn’t stay at home with the kids. What REAL feminism is, and what we should all be striving for, is the power for a woman to be able to choose exactly what her form of empowerment looks like. Some women don’t want what the prototypical feminist wants, and that should be ok. That doesn’t take away from the strength of the movement; it actually adds to it!

Meghan Trainor should be allowed to write a song about what she wants in her perfect match, and whatever she decides should be accepted as feminism in its purist form. All women, really, should know what they want in a future husband (or wife), so that they can find the person that makes them happy without having to follow anyone else’s rules. If that means that the future husband doesn’t exist because a woman doesn’t want to be reliant on a partner, then that works perfectly for her. But don’t tell a woman she is wrong for wanting a man to tell her she looks beautiful, if that is how she will find the most joy out of life.

I have spoken to way too many women who say that they “hate feminism.” Too many fail to identify with a social revolution that is meant to represent all women. In fact, the current wave of radical feminism isn’t representing women at all; it is, rather, creating a new standard that women SHOULD (in their minds) believe in, and any opposition to it is belief in keeping woman from empowering themselves. If we are going to reach true empowerment of women, equal rights and the absolute, unwavering respect that women most certainly deserve, we need to do it not by creating any form of standard that women should buy into, but rather paving the way for women to take complete ownership of who they are and, most importantly, who they want to be.

If we’re going to be truly successful in making the world a better place for women, we need to be listening not to what ALL women want, but what EACH woman wants, and helping each and every one of them to realize their goals. The radical feminism of today is failing because they are trying to standardize female empowerment. The successful feminism of tomorrow will customize to make every woman know that she can call her own shots. That is the feminism I believe in.

If you enjoy the work of the Zoot Perspective, please visit my GoFundMe page, to help support me on my journey. Thank you very much.

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March 9th: Leaning In Together

Yesterday, we celebrated “International Women’s Day,” meant to shed light on the continued fight for female equality and appreciation. Throughout my blogging time, I have often discussed the feminist movement, which I find to be particularly challenging because of the presence of a vicious branch of ultra-feminism, which demonizes men and leaves very little space for the true balance and equality that is the goal of true, honest feminism. This is not an attempt to quantify women by their relationship with men, but rather a struggle to find a way to be helpful in spreading the feminist agenda, which I find to be incredible positive and meaningful.

In addition to yesterday’s celebration of women, the National Basketball Association has recently launched a campaign where basketball’s biggest stars join the “Lean In” phenomenon to help create an environment of gender equality and understanding.

The “Lean In” concept originated with a book, written by Sheryl Sandberg, that encourages women to change the focus away from what women CAN’T do, and instead focus on all of the incredible things women CAN do. The theory uses three focal points: community, education, and “circles,” which are small support groups meant to encourage collaborative growth. Overall, the basis is that the more educated people are about the need for women’s equality, the more likely we are to be successful in creating a fair and equal world.

What makes this so compelling for me is the involvement of men in the campaign, especially within the NBA. What “Lean In” is creating is a true partnership between men and women, all working together for the greatest collaboration, so that all people can reach their full potential. Nowhere in the campaign are men told to sit down, to be quiet, to get out of the way. While men can so often be overbearing and dominant, the end goal is not to push men to the side, but rather the lift up women, to empower them to feel as if they are able to contribute in equally meaningful ways.

This is an incredibly hard thing to discuss as a man, because of the popularity of “man-splaining.” I have found it difficult to find my place in the feminist movement, because of the overwhelming feeling that any part I play is counter-productive, because my identity as a man precludes me from being helpful. I have often felt like I am part of the problem, rather than the solution, regardless of how I feel or behave, simply because of my gender. The “Lean In” movement has afforded men the chance to become advocates for women both at home and in the workplace.

In a USA Today article from last week, “Lean In” author Sandberg said “Men should support their wives and daughters at home and their female colleagues in the workplace, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s great for them. From stronger marriages and healthier, happier children to better outcomes at work, the benefits of men leaning in for equality are huge.”

The most significant benefit of this attitude is that it is a separation from the idea that the success of one gender needs to be quantified by the presence or absence of the other. There is not a pre-set amount of power in the world that must be divided equally, but rather a limitless amount of strength that should be cultivated and encouraged, so that all people, regardless of gender identity, can be raised to meet their full potential.

For the first time in a long time, I feel comfortable identifying with a kind of feminism that sees me as an advocate, rather than an enemy.

If you enjoy the work of the Zoot Perspective, please visit my GoFundMe page, to help support me on my journey. Thank you very much.

October 20th: The Eye Test

Turn on the TV right now. Pick a channel, any channel. It will only take a few minutes to get to a commercial break. What you see might surprise you.

American society has been working to better the way women are treated. Campaigns for higher awareness for the income gap have been doing a very good job of trying to bring awareness to the issues of gender-based discrimination in the workplace. Feminism has taken to blogging and columning, with an almost constant critique and analysis of every possible situation, from media to politics.

She's about to sell a cheeseburger, I promise.

But now we’re watching TV, and the commercial break has just begun. Maybe you’ll see the newest Miller Lite ad. You know which one I’m talking about; the one where Miller Lite takes credit for inventing subliminal advertising, while flashing images naked women rolling around in hops. Not that one? Maybe you’ll see the Hardee’s commercial where a woman sitting on an airplane in a cleavage dominated dress asks the man sitting next to her if he wants to joining the Mile High club (who would guess that means a sandwich?)

These are just two of a long list of commercials that use sexuality to sell a product. We are seeing a lot of progress in what is being said by the American public. The problem is waiting for the shift in the way Americans think.

My favorite barometer for the way Americans think is in our consumer culture. Advertising agents, you see, don’t really care about racism or sexism. They don’t care about fairness or morals. They don’t care who has the power, really. All they care about is whether it will make people spend their money.

You see, American advertising will adopt feminism as soon as it becomes financially responsible to do so. They will chase the financial bottom line, and do what the market dictates is necessary to get people’s money. Right now, as much as we think we’re making good progress, we still allow products to use sexy women to sell products, because we continue to buy them.

Products that target men are continuing to use sexualized imagery to get their audience's attention, and they won’t stop until we stop giving them the attention.

Women can also be part of the problem. In fact, one of the best examples is Cosmopolitan Magazine. Have you ever read the cover of a Cosmo? Sex tips dominate, as well as ways to get attention through the use of sexuality and beauty products. Is that a problem? Maybe not. But it doesn’t match the language being shared by most of the feminist blogging community about looking for value in a woman’s identity beyond her physical attributes.

Here’s where it gets tricky. Cosmo also does a lot of empowering of women. Women can read Cosmo and feel better about themselves, feel like they’re not alone, and read about strong, confident women who are highly successful. That is incredibly important and positive. The scary part, though, is that it is foraging a deep relationship between sexuality and a woman’s identity. A strong woman must be sexy, must have good sex, must have a man who she knows how to please. Those are very dangerous things to be linking in the minds of women who are trying to come up with an understanding of their identity.

There is a constant struggle to find ways to make the world a better place for women. We know we’re not there yet, and that there is plenty of work left to do. We do, though, need to be far more conscious of what we do with our eyes and our money, because it can have a huge impact on how the cultural landscape shifts.

I hate when people blame the media for things. I think the public and the media feed one another. There is a balancing act. The media tells the public what to believe, while the public tells media producers, through their spending habits, what they want to see. We now have the chance to choose what we want the media to say, as long as we’re being thoughtful of what we’re being told to think.

What Can "Most Men" Do?

Social media has, since it’s very beginnings, been a vehicle for social change. This is, after all, the origins of this blog.

This concept reared its head when, after the shooting two weeks ago at UC-Santa Barbara, a group of men went to defend themselves on Twitter. They used the hashtag #NotAllMen, representing the sentiment that it isn’t a universal rule that men feel hate or rage toward women. The meaning was well-intentioned. It just didn’t go quite as these men had planned.

In response, the hashtag #YesAllWomen took off, and caught fire. The tweets center around calling into the spotlight the many ways that women feel oppressed or overlooked in society.

Two of the tweets I found online were particularly disturbing to me. The first was tweeted by an unknown account. It stated “#yesallwomen because “I have a boyfriend” is more likely to get a guy to back off than “no”, because they respect other men more than women.” Having never thought if this situation that way, this was a troubling observation. The behavior of these men demonstrates that they are only interested in the woman’s availability, rather than her decision-making. This devaluation is so subtle that most wouldn’t even consider it, but, when called out so bluntly, it is uncomfortably accurate.

The second tweet was one by actress and director Sophia Bush, who tweeted “I shouldn’t have to hold my car keys in hand like a weapon & check over my shoulder every few seconds when I walk at night #YesAllWomen”. This took me for a loop. The feeling of such fear that simple tasks, like walking home at night, can illicit is something that I, as a man, have never really experienced. I worked at a sporting goods store that sold pepper spray in a college town. I knew we sold almost two or three cans per day. I never really thought about why. Was that ignorant of me? Perhaps. Was it maliciously ignorant of me? Of course not. But that is exactly the point of the hashtag.

Here is the most frightening part: this sense of fear is a learned trait. Mothers teach their daughters that they need to be afraid. Young girls learn so early that the world is a scary place, and they need to be prepared to protect themselves. I’m not saying that this isn’t true or necessary, but there is a certain part of me that asks the question: at what point do we create fear, rather than actually experience it? It this sense of danger actually perpetuating danger, rather than supporting security? We don’t really have an answer, and we aren’t at a point in society where we can really test the theory. All we know is that the number of women living in fear is too high, and we need to do something about it.

That being said, we know the origins of this situation come from men trying to say that not all males are looking to take advantage of women. Not all men are violent, not all men are hateful, not all men are chauvinistic. Yet all women feel the effects of these terrible experiences.

The really big, scary, tough part of all of this is what do we do. How can we fix this? How am I, as a man, supposed to help, if my behavior is already demonstrating the kind of values society is striving for? Of course, nobody has it perfect, and any man can learn how to be even more caring and respectful, but what are the men who are overall good people supposed to do to help?

The biggest danger of social media campaigns like this one is the precarious line between calling out a problem and shaming an entire group of people. The even tougher part is that, in this particular case, there is a lot of preaching to the choir. Those who are most likely to see, understand, and internalize these comments are actually the ones who are already behaving in respectful, thoughtful ways. We, as both men and women, need to begin to consider what can be done by the allies, the caring fathers, the loving boyfriends, the good guys, to help make the need for that deeply ingrained fear go away.