I’ve always been uncomfortable with structured feminism. It has always bothered me, because feminism is something I would love to be a part of. Who doesn’t want equality for women, for women to feel strong and empowered? I most certainly do, but something about the currently vocal feminist movement made me uncomfortable. I finally figured out why.
I actually have Meghan Trainor to thank. After the release of her latest song, Dear Future Husband, the feminist movement had a field day, tearing the girl to shreds. Their argument was that, in singing about all the things she wants in a perfect match, she was perpetuating the patriarchal society we currently live in, and was setting women’s rights back decades from the progress that has been made.
(While the music video may be the most challenging part about the song, here it is, so that you can listen and engage in an educated, thoughtful conversation)
My first thought was that, if one woman singing a song could set the entire movement back several decades, then the foundation of the movement can’t be particularly strong. So, as I thought about the challenge of this song, I went to look up the lyrics and do a little research, something many reactionaries must not have done.
As I read over the lines, I was puzzled. There was plenty in here about “taking care of” her man, sure. But, at the same time, there were a number of lines that demonstrated Trainor taking complete control of her relationship, from telling the man in her life that her 9 to 5 job is just as important as his, and by kindly letting him know that they will be spending more time with her family than his.
All at once, I realized what my problem was with feminism. Feminism, as it currently stands, doesn’t want to empower women into taking control over their own lives. Feminism wants to tell women HOW they should take control of their lives.
Many believe that a strong woman is one who “doesn’t need no man,” who wears pantsuits because she can, who has a top notch job and doesn’t stay at home with the kids. What REAL feminism is, and what we should all be striving for, is the power for a woman to be able to choose exactly what her form of empowerment looks like. Some women don’t want what the prototypical feminist wants, and that should be ok. That doesn’t take away from the strength of the movement; it actually adds to it!
Meghan Trainor should be allowed to write a song about what she wants in her perfect match, and whatever she decides should be accepted as feminism in its purist form. All women, really, should know what they want in a future husband (or wife), so that they can find the person that makes them happy without having to follow anyone else’s rules. If that means that the future husband doesn’t exist because a woman doesn’t want to be reliant on a partner, then that works perfectly for her. But don’t tell a woman she is wrong for wanting a man to tell her she looks beautiful, if that is how she will find the most joy out of life.
I have spoken to way too many women who say that they “hate feminism.” Too many fail to identify with a social revolution that is meant to represent all women. In fact, the current wave of radical feminism isn’t representing women at all; it is, rather, creating a new standard that women SHOULD (in their minds) believe in, and any opposition to it is belief in keeping woman from empowering themselves. If we are going to reach true empowerment of women, equal rights and the absolute, unwavering respect that women most certainly deserve, we need to do it not by creating any form of standard that women should buy into, but rather paving the way for women to take complete ownership of who they are and, most importantly, who they want to be.
If we’re going to be truly successful in making the world a better place for women, we need to be listening not to what ALL women want, but what EACH woman wants, and helping each and every one of them to realize their goals. The radical feminism of today is failing because they are trying to standardize female empowerment. The successful feminism of tomorrow will customize to make every woman know that she can call her own shots. That is the feminism I believe in.
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