Tuesday, September 17, 2013

September 17th: A Column About Nothing

While I don't usually re-post content from my other media outlets, I wanted to run the full text of my column from this morning's copy of the Indiana Daily Student. Due to space issues, we couldn't run the content in its full length, and I wanted to give my readers the chance to see the full text.


From September 17th issue of the Indiana Daily Student:

My column this week is about nothing. It is that way because I’m a white man.

Being a white man means that all interesting and meaningful topics are off limits to me. If I were to talk about any of the most significant social issues of our time, my writing would be thrown away. What right does a white guy, a white guy from a Chicago suburb no less ,to comment on important societal issues?

I have no right to speak about racial issues in America. I have no rights to say that the n-word makes me uncomfortable. I have no right to say that I think we undervalue our differences in favor of an inaccurate homogeneity that keeps anyone from getting hurt, at the loss of truly expressing ourselves.

Let’s ignore the fact that, although my skin is white, my social identification is Jewish. Let’s forget that, as recently as the 1940s, Jews couldn’t get work in America because of the discrimination they faced. Let’s never mind that, when Martin Luther King marched on both Washington in 1963 and Selma in 1965, it was Rabbis Joachim Prinz and Abraham Joshua Heschel who stood at his side. Let’s forget that my people have been fighting a war for thousands of years to defend our right to exist, and the fight continues to rage.

Let’s forget that, according to the United States Census Bureau, there are only five races. Those races are White, African American, American Indian, Asian or Pacific Islander. 

Let’s close our eyes to the fact that those five categories fail to appreciate the fact that a white, Christian farmer from Nebraska and I are in the same category.


At least by being Jewish, religious issues are fair game. It would be really boring if I was a white, Christian man. I wouldn’t have anything to talk about.


I’m white, though, so I have no right to talk about racial issues.


As a man, I have even less of an opinion. I have no ability to comment on the social pressures men put on women. I have no understanding of what it’s like to have my body examined and critiqued. I have no grasp of what it’s like to feel restricted by social expectations and gender norms.


Of course, let’s not take into account the 50 lbs. I lost so that I wouldn’t have to feel ashamed of my body, let alone the women who magically changed their opinions of me after the fact. Ignore the thought that if I cry in front of anybody, I’m weak. Forget that if I don’t watch sports and live at the gym, I’m a pussy.


Never mind that, as human beings, our brains need ways to distinguish the world around us, and gender is one of the most rudimentary ways of understanding what makes each of us individual. It isn’t sexism — it’s categorization. And that makes people uncomfortable.


As a man, there is nothing I can say that would get to the heart of a gender related issue.


There are plenty of other issues that are too taboo for me to discuss. I have nothing to contribute to any conversation of economic class, as I come from a middle-class family in an upper-class suburb. Even my allergy to animals would restrict me from having a stance on animal rights and vegetarianism, because I’ve never lived with or known the love of a pet.


The list about what I can write is much shorter than what I can’t. Sports are nice, and I could write the best movie review ever (as long as the movie was written by another white man.) As long as no other people are involved, my pen flows, but as soon as anything juicy comes up, my opinion becomes moot.


The role of columnist is actually a consulting job. When a racial issue comes up, look to the people of color in the room. Questions about slut shaming? Ask a respectable woman. Want to know what it's like to walk down the street and listen to an iPod, I'm your guy. But please, please don't cross those lines. I can only imagine the understanding and collaboration that would ensue.

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